|
[16 Oct 2003|10:37pm] |
peace out, live journal
yea, this is my last one. but where will i go?
do i use soemhting else? noooo cant be
peace
|
|
|
[02 Oct 2003|08:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nostalgic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Flower Kings - Silent Inferno (live) |
] |
wow. same song as last entry. Im listening to this progressive rock station i got on my computer call Delicious Agony.
im listening, and all of a sudden The Flower Kings come on and its live! oh man i wish i was there!
anyway, i guess im due for an update, huh.
U know whats fun? by judging peoples personality, i like to pretend put them in different situation and try and guess what they'd do. For example. i would take someone loud and shallow and obnoxious and i'd out them in a jungle, lets say, and i'd try and think about what they would do? would they make an effort for survival? or just wait to die? of course i never let them die in my imagination, i allways assume that somebody comes a rescues them. i don know, mabye it is a little wierd, but its fun to imagine. what do u think i'd do in a jungle alone, or in a desert or at war?
|
|
| someone else will... |
[15 Aug 2003|11:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 disappointed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Flower kings - Silent Inferno |
] |
i hate the feeling where you know that you have to do something that we dont want to. everyone gets this feeling because theres allways that little something we dont want to do, yet are obligated to. Tests, school, taxes, work, whatever it may be. A lot of the times something good can happen from it when you acaully do it. Thats agrivating to me. its just getting through that first hill, and i was never good at that. Like jumping into a cold pool. its a pain to get used to, but it feels good afterwards.But really sucks when nothing good comes from it. Like getting your teeth pulled
Like i said, some of these things can be good opportunities. You just have to lose yourslef a little bit and go for it. i heard somewhere "you gotta step up to bat, because if you dont, someone else sure will". i personally dont want someone else doing that.
Anyway, bottom line is, im not nor ever was good at doin these little things that no one likes to do.
peace out
|
|
|
[04 Aug 2003|11:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 apathetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
spocks beard - a guy named sid pt. III |
] |
the sumer is here, and im wasting my time.
its usually the same thing everyday. i appreciate the unusual stuff. that doesnt make much sense but i know what i mean. i went to the beach once and went into a pool twice. its all because of summer school. i cant wait till its over. then i can live a little bit more.
but for the most part i enjoy the people i spend my time with.
august has no holidays, nothing to celebrate, if there is i just cant think of it now.
i like knowing that most of my frends dont jugde me. i guess thats what makes them frends.
i like when i get the feeling in me where i know that no matter what happens, no matter how i am, how i look, ect, they dont care. i get that with a few people, others i just simply dont care what they think, im done, ya know, and others its the opposite, im mister self-concious.
but that doesnt matter.
i still find it difficult to get personal with my frends, theres acually like two that i can talk to and have a serious conversation with without them making a wise crack.
|
|
| transatlantic - my new world |
[20 Jul 2003|08:23pm] |
ive come to my final conclusion.
i'm a boring person. i dont do anything else besides skateboard. if i couldnt do that anymore, i'd be a useless blob. i dont do anything. i dont really hang out with anyone else besides my skateboarder friends. i have one or two besides them, but theyre really cool, i like hanging out with them because theyre not boring. i usually find other people boring, or they do drugs. for some reason im just not really tolerant of that shit anymore, even though i never really was but whatever.
i dont go out and meet people. its been over a year since ive kissed a girl. how about that. but that leads me to another story, an agrivating one, so screw that i dont feel like telling that shit.
its kinda boring doing anything besides skateboarding. it feels like im wasting my time and not exercising right. if i do nothing all day, i feel soiled, dirty.
i feel left behind alot. i feel like everyone else is going out doin neat things and meeting new people and im here.
a while back i had a program on my computer thats you can make songs with, they were really nothing more than midi files, but regardless i could make cool songs and riffs. it also helped me be better at the piano. i recently had a spark of creation and i started to wonder whatever happened to that thing. then i found out they had an upgrade. mabye ill save enough money and try and get it. to me it was a usefull tool.
i really wanna go to shows. no! not the local punk scene shit! where everyone dresses like a clown and are faaake! to all you little punk rockaaass, fuck you, bitches!
back to the original topic, i wanna start goin to jazz shows or prog rock shows. and watch how they do it. thats where the real music is at. i wanna see how it like
|
|
|
[04 Jul 2003|11:24pm] |
June
Came upon us much too soon
Then was gone
Gone
Like the mountains of the moon
At dawn
crowd kept on singin' Waste Away
but it just didn't feel right
And the prince and the drummer and the fire girls
Couldn't get our guitars in tune
And I knew it was over when the sound man said
"I wish we were still in June"
|
|
| spock's beard - wind at my back |
[02 Jun 2003|10:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
spocks beard - wind at my back |
] |
Well, im doing it. i've been doing what I've been meaning to do. I've been drawing and writing more. I've even been taking pictures. I have one picture, that for most people is an extremely rare occasion. I was able to take a picture of a bird close up. As close as my head from the computer screen, mabye even a little closer. It was sitting in a bush, and it didn't fly away when i was near. My immediate thought was that it was hurt and was not able to move. I came back to the bush after i had taken the pictures and it was gone.
When people act predictable, it makes me sick. It is kind of hard to explain exactly what i mean though. A good example of what i mean are teacher's pets. The fact that when a teacher asks a question and you can glance over to the pet and see him with his hand in the air, or when he volunteers to read his less than perfect essay to the class, where u can predict almost every corny and fake line of his writing. When he is wrong and immediately comes up with an exuse for why he made an error, and feels that he MUST explain it. Things like that make me angry. People who are cocky about thier intelligence. That makes me angry. It also makes me laugh. I laugh because its rediculous how predictable that person is.
Since i can't skateboard because of school issiues and my ankle, depression is really starting to sink in. All the things in my head that were bothering me before, the things that i didnt let get to me because i knew that everything bad goes away when i'm on my board, are starting to get amplified. Everything is starting to become a real drag. This is my last week in recovery, allthough my parents strongly disaprove of my love for skateboarding.
If i get back on my board and i still feel the way i do then it has to be because of the other reason, in which case i think ill do something about, but its my last resort. No, its not suicide or self mutilation. Even if it backfires, HEY i tried, i gave it my best and it will off my chest and out of my head forever. It will be fine, or so i tell myself.
I have to spend a day just skating around because my ballance is off.
School is almost over, yet the end of the year happyness has not set in. Not untill i pass. Who knows, mabye i wont.
|
|
| under floorbords, its hard to fly a kite |
[19 May 2003|08:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 grateful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
porcupine tree - stranger by the minute |
] |
If i could live anywhere else in the world, it would be some place simple, and of course they would speak the same language as me. Brittain would be my first choice. One of Canada's major cities wouldnt be a bad choice, exept it would have to be southern Canada because i tend to not like the cold. And of course a place where skateboarding wouldnt be illegal.
Its all good though. i like it here. But i hate the mayor. i really do, i might be forced to move out of this city when im older due to unreasonably high taxes and what not. This is rediculous. my dad was talkin about moving someplace cheaper because we have no money. my dads unemployed and my mom is a school aid. her job is being threatend because of who else than the mayor, so come June, if my mom gets canned, i will have two unemployed parents. but if we do move away from the city, it would nowheresville. Luckilly it was just a bad idea that he had and my mom would never ever go for something like that.
Jesus was a philosopher. not the son of God. i have a very strong opinon about this belief of mine. The bible is not meant to be taken seriously and so when people read about how jesus brought a person back from the dead, they get crazed about it and start preaching about how he was the son of God. all the stories have a meaning to it, some kind of moral, just like a lot of the fake fairy tales that poeple read when they are young. I think that Mary was raped and didnt tell anyone for numerous reasons. mabye she felt ashamed of admitting it, and feared ridicule from others. in thoughs days, sex before marrage was a big "no no". Mabye her rapist threatened her and told her that if she told anyone that he's kill her. so she made up an exuse that an angel gave her the baby.
Jesus was just a very smart man wo saw flaws in his society, and wanted to correct them. he felt very strong about his beliefs and posed a threat to thoughs around him because of his radical ideas. He started practicing Judaism from a very earky age, so as he grew he saw all the false traditions in his religion, and just tried to show people a purer way of life. He did all this through no special powers, or healing techniques, magic or whatever you wanna call it.
He was crucified, and mocked for his beliefs. if he was special he could have done something miraculous to thoughs performing the punishment, or something of that sort. Instead he "sacrificed" himself for the people, which makes no sense. And people worship the cross, which is horrible. its a symbol of dishonorable death! of pain!
If we worship Jesus, then i say we must worship gandhi too! and moses! and Nelson Mandella! and all the heroes that promoted peace and non-violence and passive resistance!
i dont mean to offened anybody, its just that poeple get so caught up in what they were taught by the church, and never really take the time to ask themselves what really might have happened. People are taught to have faith, which is just an exuse for people not to question.
|
|
| sunrise |
[05 May 2003|09:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 peaceful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
billy joel - scenes form an italian resturaunt |
] |
i often find it hard to be serious in front of some poeple. it can get aggrivating. when i try to be serious, they usually dont know how to take it, and they make a joke, and back i go to comical mode. my friends danny and steve used to say "go into philosophcal mode" whenever they wanted to have a serous conversation, which to me, as i look back, was kind of funny because it was like a switch that can be turned on and off at will.
its weird because its only with certian people that i can't be serious. its almost like they give off a certain subliminal signal to my brain, cutting off the serious part of my brain.
other poeple. on the other hand, i can be both, funny and serious, and theres no problem.
i find this to be weird.
May. its here. the month before the month where summer begins. spring is the best season, aside from all the allergies i get, which is a killer, but i just take some allegra and im good to go. the weather is so wonderful. i think my favorite part about this time is the fact that i can look that the clock when it sez 8pm, then look out the window and there is still a faint sign of daylight. it only gets better form here.
allthough it may seem like there is no fault in my world at this time, i have many concerns about my school work. Im not good in spanish. in fact im so bad, im surprized i even learned the english language. i cant seem to pass a test. and unless i can pull off a 75 this last marking quarter, its summer school for me, and so far its not looking too good. same thing with chemistry.
My last day is June 10. to the average student, it is wonderful, but to people who just can't push themsleves to do good in school, its frightning. im glad i get out so soon, but i need more time to pull up my grades. its scary to me. im terrified that i will go to summer school. ive never been there and i never had any plans to ever attend.
plus i'd be ruining my moms summer because then we cant go back to arizona. i was even told that we might spend some time with my oldest brother's friend in virginia beach.
im acaully so scared i dont know what to do. i have to do this. no matter what, i cant let myself go to summer school. i wont let it happen. ill do anything in my power to keep myself from going. ANYTHING!
i acaully feel a little better because now i feel like mabye i can do this. just mabye, with a little studying, homework and a little self confidence i can pull this off. ill need to get myself a tutor who wont let me slack off. IM GOING TO DO THIS
|
|
| it is...long light |
[02 Apr 2003|01:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 refreshed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
triumvirat - sparticus |
] |
i have been thinking. i want to start writing poems or songs. something of that sort. i have so many thoughts floating around in my head that really dont know what i would write about. every now and then something will pop up in my head and i'll write it down. Same thing with drawing. i'd like to teach yself how to put my feelings into a picture. its hard for me to do that. i usually draw something that has to do with death. not beacsue i'm deranged or suicidal, it's because its the only thing im good at drawing. that or land-scapes. i'm going to start to teach myself how to draw more things. i also want to involve myself with potography. it would be neat for me to catch action or raw emotion.
this leads my thoughts to what i want to do with furure. i want to get a job with transworld skateboarding. i'd love to take pictures and film and write articles, or if not all of thoughs things, at least one. It would be so neat to get involved with the whole scene, even if im not doing the tricks.
i want to start off by at least carrying around a disposable camera and taking pictures of everything. documenting my experiences and taking pictures of my friends skateboarding. i could look back in a couple of years and see what i accomplished and better remember my youth.
i have to start observing things again. like i used to. i'm not who i was and im not sure i like it. im allways changing. my personality, thoughts, memories and personal appearance will allways be chaning. some are for the worse. i wish that i could bring who i was and drag him to the present and never change. but since i cant to that im gunna try my best to be happy and think positive. less and less i have nice thoughts. i'm allways worrying about something. i'm going to luagh at my mistakes instead of get angry.
but one thing that i can acaully really tell myself is that i cant allways keep promises to other people , but i have allways kept important promises to myself. i dont means little ones like "im going to nail this trick" or "i'm gunna ace this test" i mean things like the fact that i have never done drugs. that was a promise that i made to myself. i'll never quit skateboarding. three years of it and i still want more. fir the most part, i can keep promises to myself, but im not too reliable when it comes to promising another.
I think that most poeple dont keep certain important promises to themselves and that's sometimes the root of thier unhappyness. I can think of a few people where that might be true.
|
|
| i finally see the light form the long dark tunnel. thank goodness |
[02 Mar 2003|05:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
tenacious d - city hall |
] |
well, it's march. March is the pathway just before the gates to spring. warm weather is sure to come. we're slowly rolling down the hill to summer time. i'm glad that it's march because i know april and may are right around the corner. i've come to the point where anything and everything that happens or i do reminds me of spring, when the trees are blooming and vague sweet smell of warm air is present.
winter is grim. cold, dark, gloomy. this past winter is a prime example of what i mean. the only good part about winter is the holidays, but i'd rather not even say that word now because it reminds me of the dark days of winter. i can't describe to you my hatered for winter. in the winter, all the problems in my life are magnified. i'm not a very hapy person in the winter
|
|
|
[23 Feb 2003|12:33am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
spock's beard - 39th street blues (i'm sick) |
] |
i sit here and stare at the screen. its unclear what it is that bothers me. something is there, clawing my insides. eating my brain hollow. the only thing i could think about my school. i've pleaded too many times for someone to hear me. thats over now. theres no sense anymore. ive waisted my highschool years indefinately.
i like to think of random situations that would involve me. i like to think about what i would do in them. usually i come up with the ideas from thinking about a problem i have.
still i sit here. in need of an update on my thoughts. much has changed but little have meaning, or not enough to write about, or too personal. not personal in the sense that it is some sort of taboo, or something evil, or not in good intentions, if i even expressed it right.
more thoughts that needn't be said because it would just be in some peoples best intrest if i didnt say anything. like i said, not bad, just best not told.
i have a guy come to school on thursdays. he's like a guidance counsler. i'm supposed to talk to him, about anything, about things that are bothereing me, or just chit chat. its not like i say much to him anyway. he usually asks me questions, and i usually reply with short sentences. hes very nice, its not like i dont like him, just i dont know why i have to see him. i dont know what i did to get this attention. he was sent by my guidance counsler, but he knows that im not that troubled, or i come from a broken home.
next time i see him, i'm going to demand for him to discuss with my parents a transfer to francis lewis. my parents wont approve the situation, but its my life, and i dont want other people telling my story. i know that i'm still a teenager, an inferior human being, but i know what the best environment is for me.
i'm just getting worn out and tired. im tired because i cant breathe. i have to cut the snake from my neck, but i have no knife.
if i get my way, my parents will be hurt bad, but if i dont, i'll just spend the rest of my school days trapped in this box.
i've complained too many times about my school, but this is a cry that must be heard
my final cry
i can allways just fail out. i will if no one listens to me, i'll screw up my future to a certain extent, but i'll laugh as i take my seat in francis lewis
|
|
|
[14 Jan 2003|08:57pm] |
its apparent to me that my parents really do not listen to me. i dont mean if i ask them to pass hte salt they dont, what i mean is that they can not identify my emotions. they still think that my opinion odesnt count towards much. choosing my own school is an example. im in Holy Cross. where everyone is supressed. it also seems that when i tell my parents something, they dont listen, but if someone else, someone of thier age group, tells them the same thing i did, theyll consider it, even do it. theyre so predictable too. my mom isnt intelligent, well, only on certain subjects, like photograhy, she doesnt know how my school works and she thinks she does. she also has a horrible memory. my dad is constently putting me down, about most things, school being a very explicit example. his first reaction to anything i say is this "oh hes just 15, he doenst know what he's talkin about" attitude. when he asks me a question, he automatically thinks i'm lying.
this is me venting. i wish i had a shrink, but i wish he would tell certain things to my parents, so they have a better understanding that im no longer fucking around. im serious. sometimes i hate them so much, acaually because they really do NOT know what they are talking about. i dont really go out on the weekdays because my mom doesnt really approve of it. i mean i can, but its usually for an hour or two. to my mom, i should come home from school, eat and do nothing more than study untill i go to bed, and shes constently pushing it. and i dont know how to ask them nicely or scream at the top of my lungs at them to get my way, to get them to hear me out. they never do, and im constently on the brink of just breaking down in tears when i need a certain amount of freedom that i am not recieveing.
none of you out there know how aggrivating out there, dont try and compare how "bossy" your parents are to mine, because i have had the same amount of freedom since the 8th fucjing grade, and only recently am i only opening my eyes and revolting on the subject of what time i have to be home. thats one of the many subjects that i need to fight against.
noone knows how angry i feel inside. and dont tell me that you have a bigger problem, because lack of freedom is the biggest (unless you have an unmentional dysfunction with a parent, you know, no not molestation, like abuse even though i know that i am being abused just in a different way). most kids my age have a hell of a lot more freedom then me, and im tired of this. bottom line
|
|
|
[10 Dec 2002|07:22pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
motley crue - kickstart my heart |
] |
christmas. its exploited. its wonderful.
i started to see commercials advertising the "holiday season" in september. Its almost like i lose the holiday spirit a month before it begins. if they wouldnt show so many commercials so soon then i think id be able to enjoy it more. its like hearing that same song on the radio over and over.
but when it is the acaul holiday, i have to say its probably th happiest day of the year. Its a wonderful way to give and get gifts.
Anyway, around this same time of year i usually get the urge to go take trips. by myself. to no particular place. just around. but id like to go at night. it just seems like now that the days are shorter that time is rushing by. the daylight only lasts for about 9 hours and i spend 6 of them in school, and one for homeowrk. you'd think that two hours is plenty of time for light to do what i want, but not really. i suppose i'd like to spent some time doing things in the dark, but that brings me back to the fact that i want to take solo trips to nowhere.
sometimes i believe that everything happens for a reason. but i know its all not really true. i guess it makes life more interesting. like coincidences. they're fascinating. i cant help asking myself what would happen if that didnt happen, or on the contrary.
For some reason this all leads me to thinking about what happens after death. i just cant comprehend nothing. because when i try to, i picture nothing but black. and when i die i dont want to see "black" for all eternity. but its obvious that thats not what really happens, it just cant be. i had a dream the other day. for some reason i murdered about 25 people in cold blood, execution style. All for a reason i do not know. i remember someone through me a gun and said "you know what to do". so i started fireing point blank at everyones head. there was no blood, but they all dropped to the floor. i remember pointing the gun at this kid in most of my classes (the only one i recognized) and i couldnt do it. i ran out of the bathroom (it was a public bathroom i was in) and i remember going to my frends (who they were in my dream i dont know) and saying "theres no way out. either i spend life in jail, the police shoot me, or i can kill myself." i put the gun to my head and i dint pull the trigger because in my dream i told myself that there was nothing after death. i woke up and relized it was the worst dream i think a warm blooded human can have. would i even think twice of mass murding over 20 people? no way. i couldnt even hit them, let alone insult them.
i guess the most significant part of my dream is that i relized how much i cant comprehend what there is after death. i dont want to and i dont believe other people should have to. by saying this i dont mean that i believe people should live forever, i think that noone should have to die by suicide or murder.
|
|
| this is an assignment i had for english |
[14 Nov 2002|09:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
jamiroquai - virtual insanity |
] |
the assignt ment was to desribe self reliance, what it is, and why it is important to have this...u get the idea..
i'm posting this because in my life at this time, it reflets on the events that have and are happening.
i think this assignment couldnot have come at a better time
Self Reliance
Every person in the world has a certain amount of self-reliance. This feature is what makes a person strong mentally and somewhat physically. And without this, a person will find himself or herself in a hole of temptation. They find themselves having no will power and no willingness to do things on their own.
Self-reliance is a trait that gives a person trust in him or herself. They have abilities to take care of themselves and others a round them. It is the power of making the decision of saying yes or no. To be true to ones self and to be “misunderstood” is what makes a person break free of the tyranny of tradition. People who have done this have become some of the most productive and successful people in history.
It is quite a sad thing to see that in today’s society that most people, those especially in their teens, have no self-reliance. Take drugs for example. The teenager of today see their favorite music artist, singing or rapping about horrible events or action, drugs, violence, and the teens seem to eat this all up. They make no decisions for themselves and always seem to be sucked into the modern trends of the media and what they see around them. Because of this, they know nothing other than what they think is cool. They cannot rely on themselves to make decisions because the popular media does that for them.
It is surprisingly easy for a person to be self-reliant. It just takes a little effort, and strength. Everybody has self-reliance, and if not, it can be learned. Someone who takes advantage of this can do anything they want to do or be anything they want to be. All it takes is trust in yourself and effort.
|
|
| black screens |
[11 Nov 2002|05:37pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
spocks'e beard - made alive-oveture |
] |
life is boring. what do i do all the time? skateboard and wish i was better. need to do something. get out of here for a while, without the guilt fo abondoning my skateboard. its part of me and now its starting to rot like a arm dying from gangreen. allthough the cure for my problem might jsut be to find poele who are fun to skate with. people who dont brag or get to caught up in the life of it.
i need to experience more meet new poeple, have adventure, live events an leave all the shit talk, gossip and LIES that people i know do.
i need a mental vacation
talking to jordan is awesome. i can just say it. say what i feel. even if its totally not clear he seems to understand. i usually have a problem with expressing my mind. its usually filled with too many feelings at once. so when i try to explain, it comes out mangled.
why do people lie about the stupidest things. lying about things that would make them seem better, or tougher ect. white lies are exeptable. exagguartions, mis-informations, stuggs like that are fine. but an all out lie is something that i dont want to hear, unacceptable.
why do people do it. ill still have respect for them if they fail do accomplish something. but lying makes me lose alot, most or all respect for that person.
some people i know i cant really belive a word thy say unless i know for a fact that its the truth. otherwise it means nothing to me. but of course one has to relize that we all lie. you, me, whether we relize it or not, it happens. so to the best of my own abilities, i try not to lie as much as possible
i saw the movie Amerian History X and Requime for a Dream recently. they are movies i think sould be reongnized for thier reality. they should be used as some sort of educational tool. i think they give off extremely useful morals. Kids is a nothet movie like that. i think people should wath these movies to depict an image of some of the harsh reality out there. somewhat the truth. a well told example of what effect certain lifestyles have on certian people.
|
|
| the lion doesnt wear clothes, and hes the king of the jungle |
[04 Nov 2002|09:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nauseated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
spock's beard - ladies and gentlemen, mr. Ryo Okumoto |
] |
these are my wants. why? cause i WANT to put them here
i want to drive my car at night. when i get a car. years from now.
i want to drive to no where, steadily, with the windows up, the heat on, and some good music. preferably Spocks Beard, or Porupine Tree. i could go on and on.
i want to be amazing at piano. not classical piano but rather jazz, or progressive rock. i want to get poeple who share the love and talent of thoughs whome i admire now to form a group of beyond amazing talent, even the people with minds as closed as the age of the earth will appreiate it.
i want to feel as much pain as i need to when i skatebaord. nothing more. i want to skate like Ali Boulala, just without the boose. i want to drop out of school and become pro, then tour the world with my team.
i just want to drop out of school.
what i dont want
i dont want to do drugs. i don want my frends to do drugs. i dont want people i know braging about how much they do in front of me. i dont want them to be stupid about it
i dont want to break my ankle or any bone in my body for that matter. i dont want to break my boards or lose hardware.
i dont want to wait so long for my license. i dont want to wait for a new car for me. i dont want to have to pay for car insurance.
i dont want to wait untill im 17 or 18 for my operation. i dont want to have to get up everyday waiting for my mouth to be fixed. it kills me. i dont want it to get worse, but i know it will. it has to.
i dont want so many people reading my live journal. well, ones with closed minds.
i dont like when people lie. or when i lie. i try not to, but i only lie when its best. never to boast. i dont like that either
now IM satisfied
|
|
|
[30 Oct 2002|05:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happily confused..? |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
spock's beard - on the edge |
] |
i noticed that a lot of poeple have debates in my comments section. i express my opinion, and they epress thiers. i respect thoes of an honest opinion, even though they remain anonomous, why they do i dont know.
i dont need to go to church to belive in god. i dont need to own a cross. i dont need a star of david, ying yang, or buddah statue to praise a supierior being. dont get me wrong, i like to think that there is this master being that created the infinate universe. this way it lessons the fear of death for me. i mean religion is by far one of the stupidest things invented. it cause unpleasant living conditions, sacrafices, unecessary requirements, and wars. the only thing it provides is a little reliefe from what just might be a infinite nothing after death.
any god would never want us to kill for it. NO god would require us to attend mass every single sunday untill we die to enter the gates of heaven. NO god will ask us of anything. that is why a murderer doesnt automatically get cast down to hell the second after he kills.
but the part that i spit on, the most discusting part of most major religions is...money. the smell, color feel and look of it makes them salivate with goal. to empety the pockets of the so called believer. or should i say sucker.
the catholic church is the richest organization in the world. its also the most evil. some of the stuff this so called holy organization has done really makes me sick.
i dont understand what the head of these organization's are thinking. how can they get up every morning and convince themselves that they are really doing goodm while in thier brains they know its about the money
|
|
| no name |
[26 Oct 2002|11:47am] |
ok, so its here. fall. the warm weather is to a minumium and its will be none in the coming months. Its funny, at irst i was totally against the fall and the winter, but as the leaves begin to change and the cool autumn air begins to settle in, i begin to become ok with that. i relized that it's time that brings good things, not the seasons. sure summer brings hot weather and freedom from the tyranny of school, but i'm beginning to like autumn too. i don't know why.
its depressing. the past few days...acaully few weeks, ive acaully been thinking about quitting skateboarding. there are so many reasons. school, i need a lot of new parts, noones around, i mean. pedro is now part of the N-Star crew. no offense to him, but hes not flow, he gets a discount. thats not flow. hes never around cause hes with colin skating around. i mean, theres noone really on my level to skate with anymore. thers gus, but he never goes anywhere. but most of all, i desperatly need new parts.
i've never really thought about quitting before, i mean i thought about it, but i just luaghed it off as if i was being rediculous. theres no where to go and nothing to do.
however, i need to watch some skate videos to get me amped.
i know i'd be happier in francis lewis highschool. idont think i cant take much more of holy cross. its a jail. literally. it thought high school was going to be a much better experiance, more freedom around the school, but now that i think of it its really no different form the freedom we got in any of out other schools, just more activities.
|
|
| bomb |
[09 Oct 2002|05:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
dace grusin - mountain dance |
] |
i watch channel 1 news for about 15 minutes before home room. i noticed something sickening. during the commercails (of course they have advertisements on channel 1 news so that the kids buy into it) I saw 3 commerails in 15 minuts for the Military. Its is wrong to advertise to young students to fight in a war. to get children to beleive that killing and dieing is right. i wouldn't have minded if they advertised it on public television, but to try to get a horrible message across to the youth of america will be the death of this country! arent we supposed to teach our youth that fighting is wrong? but to die for a lost cause is right? the fact that they have the nerve to advrtise the military on channel one news, a channel that is watched by the youth of america in schools all across america is nothing less than mind and body sickening
but we do need a sufficient military to defend this country, if enough poeple decide not to defend, then we will be forced to have a draft, in which unwilling teenagers, starting from ages 18-35 will be sucked into battle leaving thier famillies in shier terror, not from an attack, but the death of thier child, brother, sister, ect.
ive been thinking about this for a while, about 6 months. ive been seeing more and more corrupt commercials, advertisements, and other publicity acts. for example, on the subway trains, the whole car is dedicated to an alchoholic beverage add. commercials on tv selling alchohal, false diet pills, that are dangerous to take. fast foods, the horrid ingredience they dont mention in the commercials. americans are lazy. whether or not they are involved in a sport, in the long run americns are lazy.
i started to notice how politicians are. i see thier campaigne adds on tv, i havent seen one yet that doesnt "bash" another candidate. why don't they stop ranking on others and tell the poeple what thy can do for us, not what the other one can't.
i think about this, and im no anarchist at all, but i sometimes think that i wont see this counrty survive through my lifetime. every society has an uprise and downfall im starting to think that this country ha had its time. no, no, thats an overrated statement
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
ska0002's journal